Posts Tagged ‘asap’

Psychological instability and the gap between desire and reality

Wednesday, August 7th, 2013

sad reality - bulgarians see no future, protests in bulgaria are the least people can do

I'm in Sofia just for a few days and I'm stunned how expensive is life here if compared to people's revenues. I think it is almost impossible to live normal live in Sofia with money lower than 500 eur. I'm here for a  4 day with my Belarusian girlfriend and I'm trying not to spend too much and already spend about 200 EUR. This makes 50 euro per two person a day and this is just for going outside public transport Metro, Buses and taxis. This makes about 50 euro per day or 25 euro a day required for person to live normal (not at all luxury life) … It is no strange that people are protesting for already about 50 days here in Sofia and that Bulgarians are heavily drinking and smoking and don't want to work. Our Bulgarian nation is depressed and there is a good reason for that. We are forced to live almost like animals. There are no money for renovation the buildings, no money to eat properly, young people's morale is totally messed up for the reason culture here is almost dead or even the one that's left is heavily  connected with godlessness, sexuality and consumerism. It is no strange our structures politics and infrastructure here is so messed up. It all starts with people's messed heads and all this gets materialized in our daily lives … Money are the main aim of living of young people and life here is made in a way that you have to only strive after money and for money you should learn to do anytihng … I just don't understand how we ended up here, its quite a pain especially as I lived in end up communistic Soviet time sand I remember people was not so much after money as there was money for normal almost middle class life in Socialistic Bulgaria … There are plenty of knowledgeable people in my dear homeland. Plenty of brilliant and good people but most emigrate for the reason here conditions of living has become extremely abnormal. Truth is European union totally smashed us. With all this shop chains in Western model like Lidl and Billa  made just to collect even our last money and the lack of industry, if something doesn't change ASAP we will simply be cleaned up of the face of the world or at least noone will stay in this country. There are plenty of emigrants already, the problem is even in western europe and most other countries there is big problem with unemployment so even if we Bulgarians try to go out we can't find job. I know this post is a big rant but I feel sad for my beautiful homeland. We have one of the most beautiful natures in Europe, we have Sea Beaches and Mountains, we have culture of 15 centuries and own well developed language. But it seems we're loosing our identity day by day. Almost everywhere you go you hear some music in English – even though most people in Bulgaria do not speak decent English and are far from understanding music in English I more and more think there is almost straight logic information in English. Most song lyrics are just fractured and incomplete or messed up, mostly speaking about evil than good. It is tragedy how young people spend there time here in Bulgaria for nothing hanging in pubs and bars spending money for alcohol and cigarettes trying to waste themselves for the only reason they see no future …
 

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I blog again :)

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

I haven’t blogged for quite some time. First I glorify the Almighty God our Blessed Holy Trinity for his abundant mercy towards me!! Glory be to the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit! Now and forever and ever! Amen. I start with this loud words and I have so many things to say. But yes yesterday a joyful news came to me it seems my Exemption letter for Internship has been Approved! I prayed to God that he make them approve this exemption letter because I want to graduate asap and go back to Bulgaria. Here in the Netherlands I feel really terrible, the spiritual state of the country is simply softly said terrible, even though they seem to be an advanced country from the tangible aspect of the things from the intangible/spiritually poor. Not to say that I feel like the devil is controlling most of their lives already. The complete mix of negroes, chinese, indonesians and all other type of races makes the country mixed. Here in the air it feels like a spirits of gluttony are crawling around all the time, also quite often I feel like madness crossing around the air. Sometimes I have that strange thoughts in my mind that something is really wrong with that country. Maybe I had a nice point about that.This SHR project is getting schizophrenic, anyways glory be to God for his abundant mercy towards me and sustaining me always. Yesterday was a terrible day I felt so confused such a profound spiritual sorrow was rulling me that I can hardly bear it, I had a couple of terrible days this days. Since some time I am suspecting there is something wrong here, everytime I have classes with most of the teachers here I feel terrible afterwards and I usually need a couple of days to recover to some sane state. In their presence I experience profound spiritual sorrow and suffering, I’ve been in a similar spiritual states before and I know that this simply can be described in the biblical word hell. Since some time I suspect something is wrong with this guys (I mean the tachers), a couple of days Mr. Joop Vinke the guy who seems to be like a dean to us mentioned during some of the theater sports answered my question where have been yesterday “to the rotary club” and then he added like every other day before, it was not clear is he mean it or not. My suspects became even stronger, because I know that one of my employers used to be attending rotary club as well I know some really terrible things happened in his life and I think he quit that club, anyways. Last week on Friday I met one of my other teachers (Mr. Da Ponte) and I spoke with him, the conversation flowed as he mentioned something about the Lord making the sun circle around the earth, I was interested by his statement so asked him if he believes in God and if he is a roman catholic. He said he is not roman catholic and then what followed was a sort of preach about what he believes and his God as I continusly asked him questions. From his description I left with the impression that he is probably believing in the same God of the masonry (I’ve red about that just a couple of days before). So many things matched, the teacher even mentioned that a lot of teachers in that school are also believing in God and I was left with the impression that he meant the same God as he believes, so I make the connection that they are probably rotarians, masons or taking participation in some sort of organization like that which has to deal pretty much with the occult. A couple of days before I spoke with a brother in Christ (Stelian) and I explained him what is happening and about this BHC (business ethics classes), I explained him how much they want you to accept what they say and if you don’t you are not worthy, I also explained to Stelio the whole story and how this guys are able to make you feel really bad. Since this guys tried to teach us their methods and I tried a couple of times their methods and saw the effect how by doing “something” “unconsciously” you can alter the other into a state of broken spiritness and terrible suffering while at the same time you feel overflowed with joy, a sort of stealing his living power or Angels so to say. I don’t want to enter into details about that since its to me surely related with demonic manifestation. I’ve also remembered that one of the guest lecturers that Mr. Vinke has brought here mentioned that he is rotarian, the coincidences started becoming too much seriously. I also spoke with a student who has graduated and I asked him if he feels that bad thing inside of him, I was stunned when he confirmed. Also in that SHR project it really is schizophrenic I feel that spiritually something really wrong is happening there I started thinking and I could recognize many of the things done in classes of Mr. Vinke has to deal with the paranormal even though not openly showed, even his theater sports has a lot of unconscious spiritism involved, not to mention his Werewolf games including vampires, whitches etc. a lot of the theater sport games include games which include things with dying, you play dead etc., etc. I also have noticed that teachers often are pointing me and saying that I’m not changing, many of the students here are changing seriously for bad. I know by my saviour Jesus Christ who said “by their fruits you will know them”, seeing their fruit suffering, confusion, hate, lies etc. I started being more and more convinced that this guys are dealing with the devil. So if my theory is right and I think it probably is, most of the teachers are members of the rotary club. Maybe they even see it as harmless way to improve their business contacts but I know this is not the case, and this guys are giving oaths, having their strange believes spiritual leaders and do worship the devil even though not openly. I shared all that with a couple of my colleagues and many of them probably just thought that I’m out of my mind. But the holy spirit in me testified all that the things I am thinking are true. I’ve shared what is happening with a brother in Christ (a priest) in the orthodox Church Bulgaria and he said he is gonna mention my name on the altar before God on the Divine Liturgies. I guess this matters because today even though I am not completely okay I feel much relieved and better and I feel God! Glory be to the Immortal and Holy of Israel now and unto ages of ages. I try to learn the gospel a bit early in the morning and a bit late at night before I go to bed I also try to pray a bit each morning and evening and trust the Lord to keep me and protect me from the schemes of the evil one! Yesterday I was at Ina’s place and tried to explain her that this project we do now has something to deal with evil spiritism. I even have suspected that this guys from the rotary club ask their members to share information about certain people that the rotary members work with and then try to bring some curses and spells if they see somebody as a problem to their practices. I suspect that this guys somehow use their members as a channels to spread their evil spirituality. I’ve also taken the advice of Stelio to start caring an Icon in me whenever I go to school. Quite often here and especially in the dormitory I feel something is happening inside of me, my heart starts beating unsteady I also feel spirits flying around and trying sort of trying to conquer me this more or less has to deal with their broken spirituality here. Often I feel completely exhausted like somebody stealing my living power and willingness. Also I have noticed that here in their discoteques, they don’t allow you to enter with a hat? My assumption is that there are somethings placed in the discoteques which has to deal with inducing thoughts in you. On saturday I and Sali entered into a discoteque, I was not so willing so I’ve removed my hat I’ve borrowed temporary from Sali. After being in the discoteque on the day after and on Monday I had terrible headache and felt weak and pretty much like almost dying, Also I felt something on my forehead happening, just like I felt on a numerous times the Holy Spirit annointance and the Lord’s spiritual sign on my forehead, I’ve red in revelation that the Antichrist is going to put something on ppl’s forehead and and their right hands I’m more and more starting to think that this in some phase is already working, I’ve felt aches on my right hand on a numerous occasions, here often Its like I fight for my spiritual survivance. People around I see as they’re dead and just living to consume “limed tombs” as they are called in the gospel. I know that all I’ve written here might seem like too much of a conspiracy, however I’m pretty much sure that many of the things I suppose are true to a certain high degree or even completely.END—–

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