☩ Walking in Light with Christ – Faith, Computing, Diary

Today I did a lot of stuff… The day was like nightmare … In the morning I had to go to a local medical center where they had to make a picture of my stomach through roentgen scan for that purpose I had to drink a special roengen gruel. The doctor scanned me once and seemed like he saw something not so good, he told me to go to him 2 hours later. In that time I went to the dentist. The previous day I was at his place as well. He said I do have two carieses and one of them is in the last stage so he should kill and extract my tooth nerve, he also had to fill 3 tooths. I haven’t been to a dentist since a child I had completely forgot how terrible it is. I’ve been to his place twice and he filled me two tooths. He also used anaesthetic he had to inject it … I’m so afraid of squirts .. Ugh Scary. However he injected me and put some kind of liquid in the teeth which should kill the tooth nerve, I was strongly against but the dentist told me this is the only way .. In the meantime I also visited a specialist in the field of ears, nose, throat at least that’s how we call him here in Bulgaria, no idea how do they call him in English. The doctor was kind to me. He said that I have a lot of ear mud and need ear washing and he did so, after that they tested me in a special place with a device called audiograph. The method is pretty much primitive. They put you a pair of headset on your ears and play you some voices in case you hear the voice you have to press a button. It happened that my hearing is fine, praise the Lord… It also happened that my stomach is quite okay as well. I have few small buds a sort of body rashes and I wonder what causes them, maybe it is some kind of reaction of my immune system to the better food I eat here in Bulgaria. Yes I forgot. The travel to Bulgaria with Union Ivkoni was quite flawless, thanks to God everything went just fine. I’m into temptations all the time. It seems that the temptations will over at the moment I experience physical death. I experience constant depression and loss of temper and I’m looking for methods to deal with all this nightmareous state. I have mixed my spirit pretty bad with stuff I need that God comes in his might and makes me whole again. Satan and a couple of his devils is trying to completely bring me down this days, the evil one is trying to sow bad thoughts and desires in me, I don’t know how to deal with that he is tempting me to start smoking again and get into old affairs from which I was able to escape only through God’s deliverance, through a lot of fasting and prayers. My head is pretty mixed quite often and I experience spiritual problems … Right now I’m listening to a Christian Industrial band named X-Propagation it’s worthy to check it out. This days I’m eating a lot and I don’t select my food, that’s pretty bad as you can imagine. I feel lost in thoughts and desires my mind is roaming astray, jumping from one to another thing every second. I see the world’s emptiness and the big sadness in it and quite often I have desires to leave all this world behind and become a monk or something. During the day I was thinking how fragile and absurd is human existence, but probably that wasn’t my thoughts but thoughts from satan. I took a shower 20 minutes ago. Now I’m probably soon going to bed. I was feeling desperate through out the day.I feel sick I felt cold all the day, yesterday it was quite similar. Yesterday I was in my aunt and uncle’s house on my aunt’s birthday celebration, there was quite nice. That’s mostly what happens around my poor life. I feel powerless and unmotivated that’s most probably satan’s work … My prayer life is like a little destroyed this days. I just hope on the Lord’s mercy. Today I spend a lot of nerves restoring a huge database from backup 2.2G! Terrible I didn’t wish it to anybody I spend hours until it was fine, later on I had to spend another hour uploading a christmas card on a subdomain heh … In short I really wish if there is no tomorrow but unfortunately most probably there will be one … My teeths pain a bit, ughhh ..END—–