Posts Tagged ‘god’

Sorrow

Thursday, August 7th, 2008

It’s quite common lately that I experience a deep Spiritual Sorrow. I googled around searching for answers but it seems like there is no answer. Today we the Christians celebrate “Transfiguration”. The Transfiguration of Jesus Christ on the Olive mountain and his meeting with the Old testament’s prophets. Lately I can’t pray much and I’m starting to loose faith which is pretty bad. I still hope God would do something to change that. Tomorrow I’m thinking to go to the Office in Varna, will see what will happen there.END—–

General check-up

Tuesday, August 19th, 2008

Today I made my general medical check-up. Now I’m waiting for the results I hope they would be fine. But ofcourse it’s up to God.

Today I had 2 hours of driving lessons from 8 to 10. Right after that I went to the medical clinic to make blood tests.

Thanksfully blood taking procedure was fast and painless, it was kind from my mother to address me an hour, so when I went to the clinic I went directly to the lab where they took a blood sample from me.

A little later we went to “Banicharnica” which is a common cheap fast breakfast place here in Bulgaria. And after that we visited few shops and Bought some clothes. Now after a while I’ll have to go to the “DSK” bank and send the rest of the money which I owe for my room in the hostel in Holland.

And towards evening I have one more driving lesson. Tomorrow it’s my driving practical exam. It’s up to God’s will if I pass or fail. So I hope that God would be mercyful and send his word and grant me that exam, because I know by the word of Christ that without his divine mercy we alone can’t do anything.

END—–

Beside myself

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

There is not much to say, Recently I’m experiencing mix of spiritual and emotional fluctuations ups and downs.I feel so alone quite often. There are not many valuable people (considering my interests).Day by day I’m asking myself the question “Hey man , why are you studying HRQM this stupid secreatary stuff.”I’m confused quite a lot and in a state of a denial, or better to say I feel a kind of lost because I’m out of my confortzone .. The teachers here in the HRQM stream claim that when a man is frightened and out of his confort zone,then he is learning a lot. They might be true about that, I don’t know. At Friday we had that Business Ethics test.Before the test we watched the movie “The Wizard of Oz” a movie from the distant year 1939. Right after the class wasover I went home and laundered my clothes. Then we had a dinner. Today I woke up around 11:00, had my breakfastat around 13:00 and near 13:30 I went out for a walk. I went to the city center and walked around the river Netherlands Rijn.A little later I walked through the city center around the open market which was located right before The St. Eusibeus Chapel.I went through a waggon which sells bibles in different languages and tried to draw people back close to God andspoke for a while with one nice old man who said used to be a Christian for 40 years already.Then I went for shopping to the grocy stores Aldi and Albertheijn and went back “home” to Honigkamp… That’s mostlyhow my day passed … I should thank to God for still caring for me and providing me with all necessary for my daily living.Thanks Lord! END—–

The last two weeks

Saturday, December 16th, 2006

Heya. Few weeks I can’t take the courage to write on the blog. But today I’m spiritually (Praise be to God!). So I was able to write that. The day passed away in a very traditional way. I went to the collage in 10:15 instead of 08:15 again I was not able to stand up from the bed. We had some International Law lectures up to 11:30, after that we drank coffee with Nomen. Smoked few cigarettes. Later on I had a Deutsch 12:30 to 15:45. We made a test the time between 14:15 – 15:45 ( I was not ready for that test ofcourse :] ). No matter price be to God I succeded to write stuff in the test. After that I spoke fo 1.5 h with the College Sys Admin we discussed mine idea to migrate some Windows 98 boxes to just dumb terminals connecting to a central Terminal Server. In monday maybe we’ll start doing the terminal server. Other things I saw Nomen and Habib in 17:10 in the college. Mitko give a promise to Malin to check something on his computer, so we had to go Malin’s home. So we went there nothing special their we put Habib in front of the Malin’s home door and he rang we with mitko hide and watched. Dori (The woman of Malin), went out looking shocked at Habib, she was possible wondering who is that strange (nigga like guy). Habib said: “Malin, Vkyshti” :]. Dori said: “Malin ne vkyshti” then we showed ourself and laughed;] We tried to fix the malin’s problem with the Audio Drivers but was not able the problem seemed to be a hardware one. After that we went to Mino’s coffee we saw Miro and Gosho with Zuio Kiro and Maya. We drinked some beer and went our homes. End of story. The last days were hard for me. I really have no idea where my life is going into nomatter I hope God will think about me a good way the best way. I had a big spiritual pain over the last days, and I said to God a lot of times I hope he will take me away, from this hellish earth. But I guess his plan is another for me. Will live and will see. Now God Even now you see me. Please help me fix the mess I am into and forgive me for all my awful deeds. Will go now. Blessings in the name of Jesus Christ.

If I Die

Monday, January 15th, 2007

If something Happens to me know that God was bad to me. I have a broken spirit, I’ve a wounded soul. I’ve put all my hopes on him for everything seems like everything was just empty hopes. If he is so great as he is seeing me now let he show me he is so great let him fix, my life!

Funny ultimatum to God

Monday, January 15th, 2007

If God exist. He’ll bless me with a great blessing with what my heart is hoping for or I won’t believe in empty hopes and feelings!

END—–

Still Here

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

Aloha. Still here. Two days ago I ran Heroes 3 under my FreeBSD box successfully, there was a terrible bug in fullscreen mode which needed fix I’ve used the loki’s site patch to patch the heroes 3 start binary with xdelta. The loki installer was a terrible pain in the ass I used my l337test sk!llZ :} to be able to patch the binary by hand. About the last post yes I was desperate still not good still living. Today I was on exam again a failure probably, nothing new.

As I often used to say in the fast if something starts bad then it overs bad too. See my life show this very well. I’m suffering terrible and still waiting for something to set me free to happen. What would be the turning point? Will there be turning point at all? No idea. If God is such good and powerful as he said in the bible and his promises are true then he will deliver me and set me free on a good ground. Still hoping … Prodigy — Speedway, else the earth is probably his favourite experiment.

Knowing Not! :]

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

Today I have Marketing exam. Ofcourse as usual when I have exams I haven’t studied enough, and again I’m in the situation realizing I don’t know anything. I depend 100% on God’s grace to take that exam. Why I’m so dumb never study when

I have what I have. I can’t change my self I can’t study something I’m not interested into. Marketing is a subject which is simple but for Jerks IMHO :]. The logic of marketing is too abstract.

And yes what’s happening with me the last days. Well I’m feeling good now Praise the Lord. I’ve no idea what I should do with my life. I have 2 re-exams for now or maybe 3 ( I don’t know the results from the Research & Statistics Exam ).

The last few days I ran FreeDOS and Windows 2000 Pro SP4 under FreeBSD 6.2 with qemu. FreeDOS’s performance is very nice despite the fact it is emulated. The Windows is running a little laggish although I ran it with kqemu ( Experimental Module for qemu which enhances the typical qemu speed ). Yesterday we drink a dark beer with Nomen into the “Happy Person” Pub. My passion for computers is starting to come back again.

People Just Pretend

Sunday, January 28th, 2007

I’m starting to realize that there is no actually friendship in life. I’m starting realize, ppl use you time after time. I’m sick of existence. I want to go out of this Hell. Why I’m Here Why? What makes the difference with or without me? Nobody cares in general. I’m so disappointed of this miserable existence here on earth even. My life is not so bad but with or without God it’s so meaningless. I want out of this body and this universe. I want Freedom in the END. I want real things I’m sick of all this. As Buddha says everything is chaning nothing seems to be static, he is right about this! I never imagined I’ll be the person which I’m now. I hate my life. Please take my life Lord. Let me out of this miserable Place Please! Body My holding Cell …

The Economics Exam. Or the day of a standard man :]

Tuesday, January 30th, 2007

Today. I had exam on marketing. The exam started 50 minutes later because the teachers had some sort of meating.I was able to get most of the test answers from one collegue but I’m not sure are her answers correct.I hope if God give me a help I would pass. After that me and some others from my group tried to get the anwers or the exam for our next exam which is tomorrow and is in the Accounting discipline.Unluckily we were not able to find anything. As usual I don’t know anything and I hope on a miracle and God’smercy to take the exam. I invited Habib to come home to explain me some of the matters. But my mind was toooverheaded with information so I was not in a mood for studying. After that we went out with Habib, Mitko,Toto and Sami. All started well until the Zuio’s father come to our table ( we were drinking beer on the fountain).He come and started kissing all of the guys around he started talking total bullshits to Habib and otherpersons in the coffee terrible picture The Classical “Bai Ganio” in action. After that we walked for some timewith Habib on the way to his home. And drinked a coffee on the “Zhurnalist” Coffee. Now I’m home again.After some problems luckily, I was able to start skype’s microphone to work under my FreeBSD.I have to sit on my back and study for few ours. Thanks God I didn’t have any problems with my Servers.Glory is for the Lord of Hosts.END—–