Posts Tagged ‘what to do with my life’

Vodka! :)

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

Yesterday I drinked 200 gr. of Vodka yesterday Night, it was pretty refreshing for me but I got drunk a little.I’m smoking again … Things are going bad in my life recently. I have health issues. And I intend to go to doctor today.Yesterday I went to the polyclinic but my personal Dr. was not there (I was angry, I went to doctor once in years and he is not there) so I’ll try again today. I had pains somewhere around the stomach. At least at work things are going smoothly at least God hears my prayers about this. I’m very confused and I have completely no idea what to do with my life. Yesterday I was out with Lily and Kiril on the fountain. The previous day Nomen, I, Yavor, Kiro and Bino went to the “Kobaklyka” (a woody place which is close to Dobrich.) Well that’s most of what’s happening lately with my life. I wrote a little script to make that nautilus is being restarted if it starts burning the cpu. It’s a dumb script (the bad thing is that I’m loosing form scripting, Well I don’t script much lately). Here is the script http://pcfreak.d-bg.net/bshscr/restart_nautilus.sh. The days before the 4 days weekend, I hat to spend a lot of time on one of the servers fighting with Spammers. Hate spammers really! I ended removing bounce messages at all for one of the domains, which fixed the bounce spam method spammers use (btw qmail’s chkuser seems to not work properly for some reason) … Also I started watching Stargate – SG1. First I thought it’s a stupid sci-fi serial. But after the first serie I now think it has it’s good moments :]. Also I had something like a Mortification Day going on during Monday. The whole day I listened to Mortification (The first Christian Death Metal Band). I Liked much the “Hammer of God” album. In the evening Sabin (Bino) came home and we watched some Mortification videos at Youtube. Right now I listen again to “Ever – Idyll” a pretty great song. And yeah I keep listening to ChristianIndustrial.net a lot, a great radio. Try it if you haven’t!END—–

Feeling Bad

Saturday, January 27th, 2007

Well I’m not so sick anymore. I’m feeling bad emotionally spiritually. I’m not sure. I have no idea what’s happening in my life. I don’t see the guidance of God. I’m having sexual thoughts and wan’t to sleep with some female, I guess this is not good since I’m a christian. Actually I really don’t have idea what to do with my life. FUCK I’m so LOST! I was out with Lily for a pizza and a coffee smoked 4 cigarettes then went to a new Market here in the town. Well the market was very brighty and clean, on two stages the one was a food/bevarage market. The other with tech stuff. Some time before we went to the market. My mood got fucked up and I stopped talking. Well shit why the Hell I’m here. I have a re-exam in Monday. It was supposed to study at something today. But my state didn’t allows me too. I just want to lay somewhere and die. I’m so lost I feel spiritually broken again. How much, how much will this thing continue. When will God bless me with that which my soul desires? Will I be alive for this moment? I’m wondering more and more. I’ve read some of my bible after I went home some prophecies about the End Times, the book was Ezdra. After that listened a little of NiN feeled even more bad than before right now I’m listening again to http://www.christianindustrial.net. Lord where are you leading me too? Why don’t see a vision for my life? Does my life have really a meaning and what it is. I’ve googled for some time for a phrase like “Christianity not working for me” and found a page which claimed. There is no life after death as classical Christianity claims and that heaven and hell are internal states experienced, here on earth, I think maybe there is some truth in this to some extent. Guess time will show (Or maybe Death).