Feeling Bad
Well I'm not so sick anymore. I'm feeling bad emotionally
spiritually. I'm not sure. I have no idea what's happening in my
life. I don't see the guidance of God. I'm having sexual thoughts
and wan't to sleep with some female, I guess this is not good since
I'm a christian. Actually I really don't have idea what to do with
my life. FUCK I'm so LOST! I was out with Lily for a pizza and a
coffee smoked 4 cigarettes then went to a new Market here in the
town. Well the market was very brighty and clean, on two stages the
one was a food/bevarage market. The other with tech stuff. Some
time before we went to the market. My mood got fucked up and I
stopped talking. Well shit why the Hell I'm here. I have a re-exam
in Monday. It was supposed to study at something today. But my
state didn't allows me too. I just want to lay somewhere and die.
I'm so lost I feel spiritually broken again. How much, how much
will this thing continue. When will God bless me with that which my
soul desires? Will I be alive for this moment? I'm wondering more
and more. I've read some of my bible after I went home some
prophecies about the End Times, the book was Ezdra. After that
listened a little of NiN feeled even more bad than before right now
I'm listening again to http://www.christianindustrial.net. Lord
where are you leading me too? Why don't see a vision for my life?
Does my life have really a meaning and what it is. I've googled for
some time for a phrase like "Christianity not working for me" and
found a page which claimed. There is no life after death as
classical Christianity claims and that heaven and hell are internal
states experienced, here on earth, I think maybe there is some
truth in this to some extent. Guess time will show (Or maybe
Death).