Walking in Light With Christ - hip0's personal blog on System Administration, Free Software, Computer Security and Religion

Got the 2 mark on Marketing Exam. Again I'm a looser. I dont' have nor time nor desire to learn again for this exam. I think I'm not suitable for student. Today we was on a coffee with Mitko, Toto and Dido. Nothing special ordinary day. Yesterday we stayed in Mitko and was installing Gentoo Linux to his laptop. Gentoo's grub was buggy or something, we didn't succeeded running the kernel with GRUB, so we decided to switch to LILO. We were able to make the maching bootable using LILO. Then there was an annying error with REAL_ROOT option. After a lot of wandering editing of /linuxrc we found the mistake it was a mismatch in lilo a mistake we made writing in it we wrote there real_boot instead of real_root. In the end everything worked okay. And I went home sleeping. I'm not sure where my life is going to again ... I'm completely Lost in the Dark.

Today. I had exam on marketing. The exam started 50 minutes later because the teachers had some sort of meating. I was able to get most of the test answers from one collegue but I'm not sure are her answers correct. I hope if God give me a help I would pass. After that me and some others from my group tried to get the anwers or the exam for our next exam which is tomorrow and is in the Accounting discipline. Unluckily we were not able to find anything. As usual I don't know anything and I hope on a miracle and God's mercy to take the exam. I invited Habib to come home to explain me some of the matters. But my mind was too overheaded with information so I was not in a mood for studying. After that we went out with Habib, Mitko, Toto and Sami. All started well until the Zuio's father come to our table ( we were drinking beer on the fountain). He come and started kissing all of the guys around he started talking total bullshits to Habib and other persons in the coffee terrible picture The Classical "Bai Ganio" in action. After that we walked for some time with Habib on the way to his home. And drinked a coffee on the "Zhurnalist" Coffee. Now I'm home again. After some problems luckily, I was able to start skype's microphone to work under my FreeBSD. I have to sit on my back and study for few ours. Thanks God I didn't have any problems with my Servers. Glory is for the Lord of Hosts.

I'm starting to realize that there is no actually friendship in life. I'm starting realize, ppl use you time after time. I'm sick of existence. I want to go out of this Hell. Why I'm Here Why? What makes the difference with or without me? Nobody cares in general. I'm so disappointed of this miserable existence here on earth even. My life is not so bad but with or without God it's so meaningless. I want out of this body and this universe. I want Freedom in the END. I want real things I'm sick of all this. As Buddha says everything is chaning nothing seems to be static, he is right about this! I never imagined I'll be the person which I'm now. I hate my life. Please take my life Lord. Let me out of this miserable Place Please! Body My holding Cell ...

Well I'm not so sick anymore. I'm feeling bad emotionally spiritually. I'm not sure. I have no idea what's happening in my life. I don't see the guidance of God. I'm having sexual thoughts and wan't to sleep with some female, I guess this is not good since I'm a christian. Actually I really don't have idea what to do with my life. FUCK I'm so LOST! I was out with Lily for a pizza and a coffee smoked 4 cigarettes then went to a new Market here in the town. Well the market was very brighty and clean, on two stages the one was a food/bevarage market. The other with tech stuff. Some time before we went to the market. My mood got fucked up and I stopped talking. Well shit why the Hell I'm here. I have a re-exam in Monday. It was supposed to study at something today. But my state didn't allows me too. I just want to lay somewhere and die. I'm so lost I feel spiritually broken again. How much, how much will this thing continue. When will God bless me with that which my soul desires? Will I be alive for this moment? I'm wondering more and more. I've read some of my bible after I went home some prophecies about the End Times, the book was Ezdra. After that listened a little of NiN feeled even more bad than before right now I'm listening again to http://www.christianindustrial.net. Lord where are you leading me too? Why don't see a vision for my life? Does my life have really a meaning and what it is. I've googled for some time for a phrase like "Christianity not working for me" and found a page which claimed. There is no life after death as classical Christianity claims and that heaven and hell are internal states experienced, here on earth, I think maybe there is some truth in this to some extent. Guess time will show (Or maybe Death).

Well Praise the LORD. I was able to cheat today on the International Law exam. I know this is not very christian but you know. I was ill and in the end why should I know by heart things that I don't know in my daily life. The exam continued for 2 hours. After that I went home, because I had to upload the file data and sql data of one new domain we started hosting today http://eurohold.bg. Everything in uploading file data and sql data went smoothly. After that I did a change in the DNS for the planex.bg domain to use their own mail server. And right now I'm trying to emulate some sort of DEC machine with homerx, but I can't find out the password for it. Will google around to check about it. Today I feel much better than yesterday, well thanks God you rule! Blessings in the name of Jesus Christ:P

I'm sick again. I feel terribly. It's an awful thing to be sick. All the day I ask my self a question. Why people get sick? Is it because of the sin. Well I'm a sinner but I'm trying not to sin as I much as I can as a human being. I guess the disease come from my sister. She was sick few days, ago. And I gently pleased her to take some pills and stuff, but she said she won't. Now 3 days later I'm feeling terribly sick and in the same time. I'm really mad at here. Hope my anti syster mood will shrink down soon. My day was a very common day. I started in the morning feeling terrible bad. Then read some for my exam in 26.01.2007, after that I drunk coffee with Nomen and ^Needless^ on the fountain. Come back home watched some Cartoon Network animations and then I watched a documentary film called "Psychology - The Human Experience". I've learned interesting thing for human psychology which I knew in the past but had forgotten during the years. The good thing about today was that nobody call me for something too urgent. Only one call from my collegue Zlatina which pleased me to check one of our client mails, the client claimed they can't receive mails from outer of their domain location, I checked, but it turned to be a false positive. So I'm greatful to the Lord at least for not bothering me too much from the DBG Office. Hey guess the Lord keeps an eye on my Servers :]. Praise be to him.

Aloha. Yesterday was a nice day. I was on the marketing exam, and after that I suggested to one of my collegues (Narf) to drink a coffee together. We discussed various stuff IRC(mainly), and then computer general stuff. Then he explained me about some interesting scripts that enhance the irssi irc experience. Then we I suggested him to go home to show him my FreeBSD box and geek for some time. In the path to home we saw Nomen, he just checked if I'm home and was going to his home. We stayed home for some time, watched BB, some games Diablo II with wine etc. After that he said he had to go. Later we went out with Mitko to one pub called regal we drinked a bear per man. And decied to go to his home to watch a film concerning the life of One very famous (now dead) "prophetess" called Grandma Vanga. As I thought before that and most of my friends christians from what I saw I'm almost convinced this woman did prophecised and did stuff with the help of the Evil Seducer ( The Devil ). Praise the Lord I passed the Statistics exam thanks to the Lord's help HalleluYah to his Heavenly Throne. After that I went home and decided to take a shower to remove the EGG I put on my hair few days ago :], and after that went to bed. Today I feel really awful I probably get cold Yesterday :[. Hope I'll be okay for a day or two. Thanks God for being merciful to me. As soon as you see and hear me I hope soon you'll set me up on the place you've prepared for me Lord :]. I should start learning soon for my next exam which is in International Law, but again I'm too lazy.

Today I have Marketing exam. Ofcourse as usual when I have exams I haven't studied enough, and again I'm in the situation realizing I don't know anything. I depend 100% on God's grace to take that exam. Why I'm so dumb never study when I have what I have. I can't change my self I can't study something I'm not interested into. Marketing is a subject which is simple but for Jerks IMHO :]. The logic of marketing is too abstract. And yes what's happening with me the last days. Well I'm feeling good now Praise the Lord. I've no idea what I should do with my life. I have 2 re-exams for now or maybe 3 ( I don't know the results from the Research & Statistics Exam ). The last few days I ran FreeDOS and Windows 2000 Pro SP4 under FreeBSD 6.2 with qemu. FreeDOS's performance is very nice despite the fact it is emulated. The Windows is running a little laggish although I ran it with kqemu ( Experimental Module for qemu which enhances the typical qemu speed ). Yesterday we drink a dark beer with Nomen into the "Happy Person" Pub. My passion for computers is starting to come back again.

Aloha. Still here. Two days ago I ran Heroes 3 under my FreeBSD box successfully, there was a terrible bug in fullscreen mode which needed fix I've used the loki's site patch to patch the heroes 3 start binary with xdelta. The loki installer was a terrible pain in the ass I used my l337test sk!llZ :} to be able to patch the binary by hand. About the last post yes I was desperate still not good still living. Today I was on exam again a failure probably, nothing new. As I often used to say in the fast if something starts bad then it overs bad too. See my life show this very well. I'm suffering terrible and still waiting for something to set me free to happen. What would be the turning point? Will there be turning point at all? No idea. If God is such good and powerful as he said in the bible and his promises are true then he will deliver me and set me free on a good ground. Still hoping ... Prodigy -- Speedway, else the earth is probably his favourite experiment.

If God exist. He'll bless me with a great blessing with what my heart is hoping for or I won't believe in empty hopes and feelings!

If something Happens to me know that God was bad to me. I have a broken spirit, I've a wounded soul. I've put all my hopes on him for everything seems like everything was just empty hopes. If he is so great as he is seeing me now let he show me he is so great let him fix, my life!