No desire for blogging, to the dentist, roentgen
scan and ears washing
Today I did a lot of stuff... The day was like nightmare ... In the
morning I had to go to a local medical center where they had to
make a picture of my stomach through roentgen scan for that purpose
I had to drink a special roengen gruel. The doctor scanned me once
and seemed like he saw something not so good, he told me to go to
him 2 hours later. In that time I went to the dentist. The previous
day I was at his place as well. He said I do have two carieses and
one of them is in the last stage so he should kill and extract my
tooth nerve, he also had to fill 3 tooths. I haven't been to a
dentist since a child I had completely forgot how terrible it is.
I've been to his place twice and he filled me two tooths. He also
used anaesthetic he had to inject it ... I'm so afraid of squirts
.. Ugh Scary. However he injected me and put some kind of liquid in
the teeth which should kill the tooth nerve, I was strongly against
but the dentist told me this is the only way .. In the meantime I
also visited a specialist in the field of ears, nose, throat at
least that's how we call him here in Bulgaria, no idea how do they
call him in English. The doctor was kind to me. He said that I have
a lot of ear mud and need ear washing and he did so, after that
they tested me in a special place with a device called audiograph.
The method is pretty much primitive. They put you a pair of headset
on your ears and play you some voices in case you hear the voice
you have to press a button. It happened that my hearing is fine,
praise the Lord... It also happened that my stomach is quite okay
as well. I have few small buds a sort of body rashes and I wonder
what causes them, maybe it is some kind of reaction of my immune
system to the better food I eat here in Bulgaria. Yes I forgot. The
travel to Bulgaria with Union Ivkoni was quite flawless, thanks to
God everything went just fine. I'm into temptations all the time.
It seems that the temptations will over at the moment I experience
physical death. I experience constant depression and loss of temper
and I'm looking for methods to deal with all this nightmareous
state. I have mixed my spirit pretty bad with stuff I need that God
comes in his might and makes me whole again. Satan and a couple of
his devils is trying to completely bring me down this days, the
evil one is trying to sow bad thoughts and desires in me, I don't
know how to deal with that he is tempting me to start smoking again
and get into old affairs from which I was able to escape only
through God's deliverance, through a lot of fasting and prayers. My
head is pretty mixed quite often and I experience spiritual
problems ... Right now I'm listening to a Christian Industrial band
named X-Propagation it's worthy to check it out. This days I'm
eating a lot and I don't select my food, that's pretty bad as you
can imagine. I feel lost in thoughts and desires my mind is roaming
astray, jumping from one to another thing every second. I see the
world's emptiness and the big sadness in it and quite often I have
desires to leave all this world behind and become a monk or
something. During the day I was thinking how fragile and absurd is
human existence, but probably that wasn't my thoughts but thoughts
from satan. I took a shower 20 minutes ago. Now I'm probably soon
going to bed. I was feeling desperate through out the day.I feel
sick I felt cold all the day, yesterday it was quite similar.
Yesterday I was in my aunt and uncle's house on my aunt's birthday
celebration, there was quite nice. That's mostly what happens
around my poor life. I feel powerless and unmotivated that's most
probably satan's work ... My prayer life is like a little destroyed
this days. I just hope on the Lord's mercy. Today I spend a lot of
nerves restoring a huge database from backup 2.2G! Terrible I
didn't wish it to anybody I spend hours until it was fine, later on
I had to spend another hour uploading a christmas card on a
subdomain heh ... In short I really wish if there is no tomorrow
but unfortunately most probably there will be one ... My teeths
pain a bit, ughhh ..