The Monday, Thuesday and Wednesday
At Monday I felt "mad" I shared, I had a small chat with Lily and
Stoqn and shared my bad emotional, spiritual state. I also spoke
over skype with my family a couple of times. I shared that I feel
my studies are going nowhere and I have psychological problems. It
was really kind of them to encourage me and tell me that all that
matters is my wellness and this studies are not so important but
I'm the more important thing for them. Servers are running fine for
which Glory to God! I just red my previous post it's a total mess
I've lost a couple of words and some meanings has no meaning at
all. The sentences clearly pictures my frustration and bad
condition. I have that spiritual sorrow laid on my chest every now
and then it's really hard to manage it. I have a days where it was
completely gone. And now it's back here again. The last 2 nights I
spend in a talks with Alex (a school friend of mine) and since he
is asking questions about my faith I'm trying to be as
comprehensive as possible. He strongly disaggrees with my belief
and is in doubt that Jesus is Lord! I tried to explain him that
it's the devil who puts that thoughts in his mind trying to prevent
him of believing in Christ and receive his salavion through the
Saviour. Yesterday he called me fanatic which I don't mind since
that will glorify our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!
Yesterday I
went to Aldi and bought some carrots and a toilet paper because I'm
running out of it. At the early morning we had a business ethics
class with Toine Sterk and Ruelof Vinke. What a mess this class is.
Everytime I try to open my mouth saying my point of view. They
start mocking me and making me look fun. A lot of students support
them. Quite often I think this is because I believe in Christ and
the demons dislike the truth being said so they're incite them upon
me. In 4 weeks time I'll have to have a presentation ready for
Business Ethics I have absolutely no idea plus I have to work in
group with other people again. It's so hard to work in group with
students it's hellish I would say. At night time I pray a bit in
the mornings I do the same, I have absolutely no idea where all
this is gonna end. My mind is tired I need rest. I always wanted a
sharp mind but mine is not so sharp or at least the devil
suppresses my mental power this days. So I can't do anything right.
At Thuesday we have an Counselling and HRE class. We played a game
in Counseling about Cleopatra and Caesar (A cat and a fish). The
story is quite interesting one and it's about advancing students
questioning skills. The story goes like this (I recall it from
memories), the cat jumped and tried to enter the aquarium in order
to eat the fish but the aquarium dropped down. The fish died
because of lack of water and the cat died because in his attempt to
swallow the goldfish it does swalled a broken glass, the glass
stucked in his throat and the cat also dropped dead :). Fortunately
the stereo speakers owned by the cat stayed intact (that's how the
story ends). This morning when I woke up I had that pains in the
area near the abdomen and pains in my lower back. I prayed I ate 2
of the euroshopper croissant I had bought few days ago then
devoured a banana and before that I ate 10 nut. I have that habbit
of eating nut. At night time I usually wait for Ina to come back
from his work and we eat half prepared spaghetti the Bulgarians
here use to call them (noodles). Well I think that's it in short
how my life is going it isn't nothing special neither is it
interesting. At 16 of December we have scheduled that we are going
back to Bulgaria for 13 days or so. I'm looking forward to go
there. I more and more start realizing that I'm not ready for the
Business, my english vocabulary is really, really poor one. And my
mind is not so good as I though before I don't have much
difficulties here but still it's quite often hard to me. Some time
ago a friend of me has pointed me to the news that one of the
Bulgarian believed to be a prophet (Baba Vanga) has prophecisied
(although we Christians know she was an unclean spirit possesseth)
that when America is being governed by a Black president then the
WW3 is going to emerge and America is gonna split. It's an
interesting fact to hear but it is nothing more than a gossip. I am
impatient to go to God since living on this earth happens to be so
hard for me ...