Yesterday I was out for a coffee with Tony an old frined from the Old metal days, after that I went outwith Lily I drinked 200 gr of Vodka and a Beer. I was pretty desparate actually and I got very drunk I got home 04:10 and got to bed at 4:30. What can I say life is hard. Today Mitko called at dinner time and we drinked a coffee on the fountain. The night we went out in the Central park and drinked a beer per man. I’m starting to think about the meaningless of my life again, since my life seems without a real purpose and seems not going nowhere ( we humans are so weak ). Yesterday I have almost taken the decision to suicide. It almost a miracle after I send lily to her home and was going back home with the idea of my mind to suicide. Lily called and said she can’t unlock the door and everyone inside is sleeping and she didn’t want to disturb them. So we spend more than an hour outside. Today I feel terrible physically again. I really can’t take it anymore I need Jesus to bless me with a healing (Save me Holy Lord, Lord Jesus son of the Blessed God have mercy over me the sinner heal me Lord and Deliver me from all sickness and affliction and pain Heal my Soul, Body and Spirit, make me whole to be able to serve you again :[ Amen) My computer went down twice today I have a problem with the cooling. The cooler should be cleaned but I guess this will happen after our Room’s repair is completed. By the way Both Pc-Freak and Jericho are on the terrace. Because repair works are being done into the room. Day after day I ask my self the question when I will be healed again. I do smoke a lot of cigarettes for which I’m ashamed of myself (But it’s an act of desperation). By the way I don’t have any desire to study anymore I’d like to do things with FreeBSD and learn stuff. If God is merciful to me and heals me probably I’ll continue to live otherwise I guess I’ll end badly. Very often come to the point Nobody out there cares, them I feel the presence of God’s spirit I remember the Bible’s instruction towards doubtful mind and try return back to the Faith of the Eternal, It’s like a sort of schizofrenia (I believe, I don’t believe). I’m sure both cannot be true. Very often I think I deserve more but since God’s rightous probably that’s what I deserve. I tried do good for so many people and to care for as much people I’m very discouraged because as a reward I see it like receiving this infirmity and sickness … Something have to change or I’ll be gone …END—–
Posts Tagged ‘fountain’
Yesterday and today we had Management Games and Theathre Games with Joop Vinke.At the management game we play a sort of Human Resources Management game. All the students are devided into groups and we play a simulator game. We had to manage a company. First we setup our 2 year goals and then we play the game on quarters (6 quarters). Every quarter we have to made some managerial decisions (invest money into different stuff, hire personnel, promote ppl etc.).
Basicly the company consists of 660 employees, there are 5 levels in the company starting from 1 where there is unqualified specialists and 5 which are the top management.
When we make our choices then all this data is inputed into a computer which gives us some feedback which helps us in taking the decisions for the next quarter. At the meantime Vinke organizes fun games to entertain us and make us feel comfortable with him and through this games he tries to show us basic concepts in business. The last two days I really enjoyed.
Today the game that impressed me the most was called
“The Werewolves from Wackedan”. Basicly it’s a strategic game with roles. In it you’ve got a bunch of ppl who play different roles, 3 of them are werewolves, others are citizens others are ppl who have special abilities to foresee who are the werewolves.
We had cards in front of us turned back to prevent others except us to see the cards. Some of the cards are citizens and ppl who belong to the citizens other 3 are werewolves.
Every night the werewolf kills a person (by selecting somebody from the crowd, when they sleep), because the werewolves are out at night when everybody sleeps. At the morning citizens awake and one of their friends is dead so they try to revenge by pointing someone to be killed (it may be a citizen again it may be a werewolf).
At the end only werewolves or citizens should servive 🙂 It was a big fun today to play this simple game. At the end of the day at 18:00 we had a session of the so called Theathre/Games. Theathre Games include different entertaining games which are designed to improve our communication skills and teach us to act like an actors plus they are pretty entertaining 🙂 That’s all thanks to God everything seems to run smoothly around my life. Except my health I’m still having some health issues although I can say I have an improvement I am not still healed and I still drink herbs.
At 20:00 I was out with Narf and we went to the fountain a little later Kimmo and Yavor joined us and we spend some time their. Well that’s most of the day at night I went to my grandma just to see how she is doing and now I write this post tomorrow the Management Game continues at 09:00. So probably after few minutes I’ll go for the night prayers and then I’ll go to sleep. END—–